Upon entering their room again he paused feeling how still the air was. The outline of her figure was emphasised by the early morning sunlight peeking through the curtains. He honestly had no idea how he was going to approach this situation, he just hoped that having Auburn out of her care for a couple hours would do her the world of good. Thinking about where he could start off he heard his Mother's words echoing in his mind. Maybe moving back to Canada wasn't such a bad idea? As he contemplated each answer for that internal question he sat down steadily on his side of the bed, it was still made up since he slept on the couch in fear of waking her.
"Where's Auburn?" The crackly whisper snatched him instantly from his thoughts as he stared at the back of her head.
"My Mom's takin' care of her. She's fine though."
"Oh."
"Listen, Nicki we need to talk. Could you please turn over?" Slowly doing as he asked she rolled on to her right side and looked up at him. Sandi was right, she looked exhausted. Noticing her fatigued body he changed the way he was addressing the situation and lay down face to face with her.
"You didn't come to bed last night."
"Sorry, I got back late and I didn't wanna wake you."
"It's fine." She whispered and let her eyes rest on his succulent lips as she half shrugged.
"Mom said you got a lil' upset last night? Wanna tell me what happened?"
"I wasn't upset I was havin' a meltdown or something. I couldn't stop Aubbie from crying and then I couldn't stop crying and I just...I needed a break, Aubrey." Her eyes lowered along with her voice.
"You're not havin' a meltdown. You're tired, stressed and overwhelmed and it's okay to feel like that." He smiled and pulled her chin up to look at him. "You're sixteen, still in school and you just had a baby. Nobody's expectin' you to just bounce back in a couple weeks, that'd be inhuman."
"But I'm expectin' that though."
"What do you mean?" He wrinkled his brow and studied her expression closely.
"I'm expectin' myself to spring back to normal. I need to."
"Well, you need to lose that mindset because it's gonna get you down."
"Yeah well, it's too late for that."
"What?"
"I already feel like I couldn't get any worse."
"You feel down?"
"Beyond down." She sniffled. "Like, so far down nobody can help me." He inched forwards some more once he became aware of the tears threatening to fall from her bottom lids. "I can't do this, Aubrey."
"Stop it." He gripped her hands softly as he spoke. "You need to see how far you've come, how far Auburn's come and really take notice of that. That was you."
"How can I do that when all I see in Auburn is him?" She paused before continuing. "I'm a mess. Like you said, I'm a sixteen year old school girl with a baby I didn't even want." The silence following her speech made his heart sink.
"You don't mean that."
"Yes I do, Drake. She was given to me in the most barbaric way and I never wanted her. I never loved her." His mouth dropped as he moved away from her teary face. "But when I held her for the first time it was like she became the most important thing in my life." Her lip quivered as she continued to talk, it was clear she was fighting her emotions but she was losing the battle miserably. "And to know that I can't even take care of her properly is killing me."
"You can take care of her, Nicki. You just need time to adjust. Stop beatin' yourself up." He moved back in again and pulled her to him. "Auburn needs you, whether you feel like she does or not, she'll always need you."
They stayed in the same position for a couple of hours as Nicki slept off her emotional outburst. He was glad he'd booked her a post-natal check-up appointment for the afternoon, a specialist might be able to assess her more expertly than himself. Suddenly going back on to the topic of hospitals he remembered he had a huge decision to make. The dinner was fast approaching and he still didn't know whether to take his chance for promotion or whisk his young family back to Canada. He knew that if he stayed people were bound to find out about Nicki, it was inevitable but clinical lead of the cardio-thoracic ward? That would be the making of him as a doctor. A small knock at the door interrupted his thoughts as he let his Mom know she could enter.
"I'm sorry, I know I said I'd have her for a couple of hours but she's not taking the bottle. I've been trying for the last hour, she's just not having it." She looked on at them apologetically, she felt bad that she was disturbing them especially since Nicki was sleeping soundly in his arms.
"It's okay, don't worry about it." His reassuring smile made her relax a little before he nodded towards Auburn's moses basket. "Just lay her down and I'll wake Nic up in a bit."
"Here." She set the bottle on the night stand once she'd put Auburn in her bassinet. "I'll let you give it a try before you go waking her up." Smiling sweetly at him she moved back over to the door frame. "I'll be downstairs if you need anything."
"Thanks." He nodded in her direction and eased himself away from Nicki. Luckily she didn't stir from his movements. Auburn was looking healthier and healthier by the day but it seemed the reverse was happening with Nicki. She looked to be getting thinner and more run-down, which was understandable considering the circumstances but he was still worried. Pushing those thoughts to the back of his nearly overflowing mind he leant down and secured Aubbie in his arms. She was still so tiny but she was growing closer to five weeks now, the time had flown by. As he sat back on to the bed he grabbed the bottle with his free hand and popped the lid off quietly, praying that she'd accept and to his surprise she did.
***
"Everythin'll be fine, stop worrying." He squeezed her hand comfortingly as they sat in the waiting area. "I can't go in with you but I'll be right outside waiting, okay?"
She inhaled shakily and nodded as she spoke. "Yeah, I'll be fine."
"That's my girl." Kissing her temple sweetly he looked over her. "And then when you're done, I'm takin' you out. I have some things I need to talk to you about."
With a furrowed brow she faced him slowly. "What things?"
He didn't get chance to answer before a stocky, middle-aged woman stepped out from Dr Santoy's room calling Nicki's name. As soon as her government was yelled out Drake saw the colour drain from her fatigued face.
"Go, you'll be fine and I'll be right out here." He gave her an encouraging smile as she stood up, the nerves affecting her ability to speak and walk confidently. She had no idea why she was so afraid.
"You must be Onika?" A tall Indian looking man moved out from behind his desk once the stocky nurse had led her into the room.
"Yeah, you can call me Nicki though."
"Alright, Nicki it is." He flashed another smile and slid his glasses on before guiding her to the examination bed. "Just hop up here, Nicki. I have some paperwork to pull out first and then we'll move on to the examination, okay?"
"Sure." Her shy stance and one word answers alerted him to her fear, he would try and make he feel as comfortable as possible. Returning less than five minutes later he sat some papers on his desk and sanitised his hands before gloving up.
"First I'm just going to run through a few questions, see how things are with you and then we'll move on the physical examination." That same smile graced his face again, relaxing her only a little. She wished Drake could be in here with her. "So, you gave birth to your baby just over a month ago?"
"Yeah, Auburn." She gave him a half smile before continuing. "She's five weeks old."
"That's a nice name. How are you finding things?"
She smiled at the reference to Aubbie having a nice name. "It's been tough, yeah." She sighed sadly. "But I'm getting used to it, slowly."
"Just like any new mother. The first few weeks are very testing, Nicki."
"I thought it was just me." She looked down shyly, half relieved at what she was hearing.
"Of course not." He gave her arm a reassuring rub. " It's difficult for any new parent. Especially if there's no support being offered. How are you finding things support wise?"
"Perfect really. I couldn't have asked for anymore help and support than I've already been given."
"Well, that's great to hear." He stood up. "There's nothing else you'd like to bring up? Concerning you and Auburn?" She shook her head no. If there was anything she'd just ask Drake. "Okay, well let's get started then. I'll let you change into the gown and I'll return in a couple of minutes, just lay down on the bed once you're completely unclothed under the the gown."
She just smiled and nodded as he handed her the blue fabric. "Thank you."
The knot in her stomach felt like it doubled in size when he re-entered the room, she felt so vulnerable just laying naked under only a thin sheet of clothing.
"You ready?"
"Mhm."
"Right, first I'm just gonna have a feel of your abdomen, check everything is okay there." He started pressing on her stomach before he'd even finished his sentence. She wanted to avoid his gaze but she needed to watch his expression to tell if everything was alright. "That all feels perfectly fine to me, you're not feeling any tenderness?"
"No, none at all."
"Good." Smiling down at her he took a step back. "Could you just sit up for me and swing your legs over the side of the bed?"
"Sure."
"That's great, I'm just going to pull the gown off of your shoulders for a minute so I can examine your breasts." He removed it before she even had chance to realise what he'd said and honestly she felt even worse than before, something which was extremely obvious to him. "It's alright, Nicki. There's no need to be nervous. It'll be over in a couple seconds, I promise." He tried to make her feel less exposed but that didn't change the fact that she was sat topless in front of this stranger. She winced a little when he pressed firmly on her. "That sore?"
"Just a little, is that normal?"
"Every woman is different but yes, it's completely normal." He smiled and moved on to her other breast. "You're formula feeding?"
"No, sir. They said because she was so early it'd be better for me to feed her myself." The look on his face made her worry. "Why? Should I be usin' formula?"
"No, no of course not. However you choose to feed your baby is completely up to you, Nicki. It's just quite unusual to have a teenaged Mother breast-feeding, they usually opt for formula." He took his hand away and let her pull the gown back up, which she didn't hesitate to do.
"Oh."
"Could you just hold your arm out for me?" She started to do as he asked but retracted her arm from him quickly.
"Wait, you're not giving me a shot are you?"
"No." He laughed at her question. "Not yet anyway, I'm checking your blood pressure. Then we'll do a blood test which, unfortunately will require a needle and then a urine test and to finish up with I'm going to examine you a little more internally, sound okay?" He figured he'd get it all out in the open in hopes that she'd relax some more but the final part of her examination was worrying her the most.
Back out in the waiting room Drake was heavily contemplating these decisions he had to make. Maybe if he just let Nicki know about it all then he could ask her what she wanted to do too? That seemed to be the best idea he'd had all day. He couldn't let his mind elaborate any further before he saw Nicki walking out of the office towards him.
"How'd it go?"
"Yeah, it was fine. I just gotta go pick up these prescriptions." She stared down at the piece of paper in her hand before looking back up at him as the headed back to the car.
"Prescriptions? For what?" He tried to look at the paper in her hand but she read them out.
"Vitamin D tablets and uhm," She stalled momentarily. "Nipple cream." She pouted whilst folding the paper over and put in her purse.
"You're vitamin D deficient?"
"Yeah, he said that's maybe why I been feelin' a lil' down and tired all the time." She glanced at him over the hood of his car before they both climbed in and picked up conversation again.
"Wait, he?"
"Mhm." She buckled in as he started the engine. "Dr Santoy's a dude."
"I asked for a female physician. I don't believe this! One thing, that's all I asked and they can't even get that right." He angrily reversed out of the parking space and moved on to the road.
"It's fine, Drake. Why you gettin' so worked up for?"
"It's not fine, Nicki. I directly asked for another female to examine you and they went against my wishes."
"Dr Santoy was nice, he did the job and everythin's fine." she couldn't understand why he was acting so aggressively about the situation.
"I'm sorry, you're right." He ran one hand over his mouth and breathed out. "After everything you've been through I just....I didn't want you to feel uncomfortable, that's all." He didn't take his eyes of the road but stole a glimpse at her when he felt a small hand wrap around his on the steering wheel.
"I was fine, Aubrey. But thank you."She grinned small at his cute and caring behaviour. Believe it or not she was still trying to get used to people treating her so kindly.
"Good, you still up for eatin' out?"
"Yes! I'm starving."
***
As he'd predicted he lost his nerve during their late lunch out. Just seeing her happy again after a few days of misery put him off greatly. He didn't want to ruin her happiness. They'd already picked up her prescriptions and were finally home. Nicki was pining for Auburn after only a day away from her and was more than ecstatic to be holding her again.
"So she was good?"
"She's been an angel all day." Sandi smiled warmly, not just at the sight before her but the fact that Nicki seemed to have cheered up considerably since the night before. She hoped she'd never have to see her like that again.
"You wanna feed her while I go shower, Aubrey?"
"Sure. There's bottles made up in the refrigerator already, right?"
"Should be." She frowned a little as she stood up from the couch. "If not, there'll be some in the freezer." Handing the tiny bundle over to him she admired the both of them before stepping back. "I won't be long."
"Take your time, there's no rush." He kissed her sweetly after she'd kissed Auburn's little head before she left them to it. As soon as she was out of their view the smile diminished and her thoughts began to consume her once again. Even undressing and actually climbing into the shower was a blur. Standing motionlessly under the downfall of shower water she stared off into space, thinking about the conversation she and Dr Santoy had before she left the doctor's office that afternoon.
"Do you have any other questions you might want to ask before you leave? If you do, now's the time to ask." He returned to his desk and sat down as she adjusted her top. He'd once again left the room for her to change and now they were nearing the end of the appointment.
"Actually, there was one thing I was wondering about." Twiddling nervously with the button on her top she took a seat in front of him.
"Okay, go ahead and I'll see if I can help." He leant on the table, waiting for her to speak.
"Well it's actually about something you mentioned earlier, regarding...Intimacy."
"Mkay." After removing his glasses he studied the surface of his desk for a second. "What about it?"
"I just wanted to know when it's okay to y'know? Start having sex again."
There was a short silence before he answered. "Look, Nicki I honestly don't think sexual intercourse is anything you should be worrying about, especially not now. You just gave birth and you're sixteen, technically you shouldn't even be considering it let alone have already done it."
"I know." She glanced down at her fidgety hands, not wanting to say that she was heartlessly robbed of her innocence.
"Are you feeling pressured by anyone? Maybe a boyfriend?"
"No not at all, I just wanted to know." Her quick response was in Drake's defence. She knew he'd never pressure her but she was pressuring herself.
"Well, I guess I should answer your question but I definitely do not recommend you take my answer as a guideline." He looked at her sternly, making her shift a little. "Usually anywhere from four to six weeks sexual activity can be resumed as normal."
She nodded slowly. "Thank you Doctor."
"Any time. Is there anything else I can help you with?"
"No, that's it thanks." She stood up and let him show her to the door before heading back to Drake in the waiting area.
"Nic?" He knocked again before turning the bathroom handle. "Nicki?"
"Yeah?"
"I been shoutin' you for ages. You okay?" He called back and leant on the sink, listening to the water falling over her body. The loud sound soon died down as she turned it off.
"I'm fine, could you hand me my towel?"
"Sure." Leaning over to to the rack he pulled the pink towel from its holder as he heard her rinsing the last of the water from her hair. "Here."
"Oh, thanks." She smiled and stepped into it whilst he held it open for her. "Is my lotion out there?"
"Yeah, and your cream too." He answered her before following her back into their bedroom.
"Do you mind?"
"Uh, yeah of course." He chuckled shyly. "I'll see you downstairs when you're done." He went to leave but stopped when he heard her laugh a little. "What's funny?"
"You! I meant do you mind lotioning me up?"
"Oh." His eyes bugged dramatically before he came back to the moment. "Sure, if that's what you want?"
"I wouldn't have asked if I didn't want you to do it." She locked eyes with him, giving him a seductive look that only attracted him to her even more. "You don't mind, do you?" She let her towel slip down as she turned around and grabbed her lotion, handing it to him over her shoulder.
"Not one bit." He let her lay down on the bed once her towel had fallen to the ground. He couldn't stop staring at her. She looked so perfect laying on front completely naked. Smiling to himself he swept her wet hair from her neck and shoulders before starting to rub the cream into her soft, glowing skin. He decided to keep things mild, staying mainly on her arms and upper back but her next request foiled that plan.
"You need to lotion all over, Drake. 'Specially my legs." Her eyes remained closed, allowing herself to enjoy him touching her the way he was. To say she was scared was a vast understatement but for fear of losing him she was prepared to do this. She just hoped he would catch on to her not so subtle hints. He continued on her shoulders, forcing her to believe he would go no further but before she managed to sit up she felt his hands graze her lower back, pushing on her delicately but firmly at the same time. Applying the lotion evenly.
"That better? Miss Demanding."
"Mmm, that feels good."
He faltered briefly as other parts of his body, not just his ears, reacted to the moan she just emitted. He gravitated lower and lower, doing exactly as she'd asked until he reached her feet. Her ass wouldn't leave his mind.
"Could you do my front too?" She flipped over without warning presenting his eyes with what he could only describe as perfection. He decided not to question her and once again filled his palms with the sweet smelling cream. Their eyes were glued to one another's as she moved back to be in the middle of the bed. Just out of habit he followed her movement and found himself resting over the top of her, his legs positioned on either side of her body.
"Pull you hair back." She complied slowly, moving it away from her face a neck as he started massaging the substance into her skin at the top of her chest. Her nerves were really chewing at her but she wasn't showing that at all. She wanted him to feel that she was ready, and it was working. The gasp that left her lips shocked even herself once she felt his hands on her breasts. The way he was caressing at her was starting to feel relaxing. It was having the opposite effect on him, however. With each stilted breath she let out he could feel himself becoming more and more aroused. He believed she thought this was an innocent gesture and so getting "excited" would be inappropriate. That belief was squandered when he felt her foot rubbing at his erection through his trousers. By this time his hands were at the top of her legs, dangerously close to her centre. Licking her lips seductively slowly she felt his hand make contact with the flesh between her legs as he moved his face down to hers, initiating a kiss. They were both completely lost in the moment.
...
*Okay this chapter might be super longish and confusing I'm sorry. I really struggled to get back into it :( Like, a lot!! But pleeeaaase if you're confused about anything just ask me in your comment and keep checking back to see if I've replied to you ^_^ Thanks SOOO much for all the previous comments :) And I really hope this was alright for you all. Also since I'm back at uni now, I'll so kindly ask for ten comments before I post again, thanku! ^_^*
